THE train is running faster than its usual speed was the thought, hitting Raghu’s senses,waking him continually. Forcing his 19 year old robust body, which needed rest very badly, turning again and again on the hard and narrow third class berth. He wanted to mould his muffler in those shapes which would protect him from this bone breaking cold.
He was behaving like a child in his sleep. He remembered his hostel mate warning him (arre kumbl wambl le le, December ka mahina hai, raat aisi thund giregi, gaand phat jaegi).
Raghu muttered something filthy, he felt small for not taking his mate seriously. Suddenly he got up! he was scared, the train was too fast for the meter gauge track. He looked around. Dimly lit bulbs, in the compartment, spreading something very pale, making fully covered passengers (very few) look like dead bodies. He had seen corpses in his college laboratory, dissected, fiddled, written notes on them, but they were naked. These unseen motionless faces...in spite the,’ wheel crushing the track,’ sound, Raghu hoped something lively from this deathly journey. And then someone moved, from the side berth. Raghu was too unaware to act normally, he twitched himself sharply, and he was too frightened to look. The body sat up then uncovered its face. Raghu forgot to breathe! Two beautiful eyes were on him. Her nose, thick lips smudged with lipstick, reminded him of some painting he had seen somewhere! The depressing yellow light was solidizing his thought making her very mystic. He wished her alive. Raghu’s spell was cut by her whisper.
“Aap kaha tak jaenge”?
Raghu got what he was hoping for, “Mujhe Laxman Garh utrna hai, aap kaha tak jaengi”?
She looked up then fixed her eyes on him. “Why is she looking at me in this manner”, Raghu thought’!
“Hume to aur aage jana hai, aapko thund lag rahi hai kya”?
Raghu felt challenged, He wasn’t ready yet he refused to give up. “Nai nai thund kaha hai, aur waise bhi mujhe sardi kum hi lagti hai.”
“To kaanp kyo rahe ho, body dikhane ka jyada shouk hai kya, mere pas moti chader hai, lelo!”
Though Raghu didn’t like her familiarity but then he was excited, he wondered why she was whispering! He was about to ask her something when she jumped, came towards him, put her hand on his mouth! He wasn’t ready for this! It all happened so fast, Raghu didn’t know how to react!
He could feel her touch. The smell of her body combined with perfumed hair oil and mehendi aroused him. His young, hard up for sex body, wanted to sleep with her instantly! Moving slightly away, she hissed in his ears, “Mera mard jag gaya, suno uski naak bol rahi hai, hum dono ki bat sunna chahta hai, thora chup raho, such much soega to naksiri bhi band ho jaegi”!
Suddenly Raghu felt very angry, ‘Why should any stranger force me to involve myself in such an unwanted situation’?
His desire was hit with her status. She is married, has a husband who is with her, made him feel trapped. But her act of being discreet, hiding their interaction from her husband, a sense of victory overpowered Raghu’s anger. He didn’t know how long they sat, holding each other, Raghu didn’t move, fearing she might change her mind.
Coming from a reasonably strict and conservative back ground, where he was allowed to do only, what he was told by his elders. His father wanted him to become a doctor like his father and grand father.
Raghu was feeling feverish, sweat trickled down, the muffler was irritating, he wanted to scratch but couldn’t. Slowly the snoring stopped. He inhaled her smell.
He heard, “Laddu khaoge? Kya parai karte ho?” H e didn’t react, she was so close, Raghu felt stiff. She moved away, must have understood.
She put herself on the pillow, “Mera mard umarwala hai, takatwala hai, par shakki bohot hai, shaadi hi hui hai bus, aur kuch nai.”
Raghu was desperate to hide his lower limb, placed the muffler, said,”Daktari par raha hun, aap ki umar kitni hai, mera matlab itni jaldi shaadi ho gai, aur sirf shaadi hui matlab?”
She looked, parted her dry, thick lips, her eye lashes lowering her liquid eyes, then she started laughing. It was a noiseless act, she thrust the pillow in her mouth, her face became red, her whole body was twitching, tears rolling down on her cheeks. She reminded Raghu of a convulsion patient who had come to their hospital with severe spasmodic pain.
‘Is she crying’! it was a stupid of a realisation, he turned himself, pretended as if nothing had happened. Then he heard her, this time he was afraid to look at her. “Tum ekdum bachhe ho, kuch nai malum, jindgi ko tawe pe dalo to pata chale, tum to man laga ke daktari paro, thodi neend le lo, station aaega jaga dungi.”
The train seemed much faster, giving Raghu a derailed feeling. He couldn’t understand whether it was a pain or a need to release, which one, was his limb experiencing. Raghu waited, hearing and wondering how the deafening roar of a train can create such an uncanny silence! Her bangles, ornaments, clothes, he could sense, hear, feel.
Her over powering presence looming large on him. Raghu felt very small, he hated his entire being, not even a tiny pang of protest or an answer, which could defend his immature self respect, remained. He was trying to collect his lost will without any hope when saw a bug coming out of the crack of the wooden plank and was approaching him very cautiously.
Ten years later
Dr Raghu Nandan Sharma, a very successful persona in his own right. Although lived on an easy street with his doctor father, never had to worry about any hard ships of life nevertheless his own skill and desire to rise made him what he was today. A doting wife with two lovely children and flourishing practice is what has made his life complete.
Day would begin very early. Dr Sharma is compassionate, caring and good in his job. People with poverty, rigidity and innocence love to rely on him. In spite of materialistic development and the culture to follow globalization, lots changes have taken place but Dr Raghu and his reputation is rock solid like his father. Sometimes his friends, who were with him in his medical college, come with their families. RAGHU enjoys with them a couple of drinks, they share and describe their past anecdotes, hiding or making up, and they play with time.
But at times, away from his commitments, responsibilities, patients and cases, when Raghu is alone (it happens very seldom), sits in the verandah on his easy chair, something happens.
It takes away everything from him, makes him blank, he becomes so vulnerable, surrendering, and numb.
Then a faint very faint sound, as if coming from afar, enters his mind, becomes louder and louder. A rumbling noise. He can’t detect, at first. Then it gets separated very gracefully. He recognizes the sound of a running train, bangles, clothes, body, snoring, shrill whistle. He can smell mehendi, perfumed hair oil, sweat. He closes his eyes, goes into a deep sleep. That night he doesn’t have food, doesn’t go to the bed room. No one dares to disturb him since everyone knows the outcome isn’t a very pleasant one. But no one minds or talks because of its rarity and non disturbing quality.
Initially, asked by his wife, Raghu explained. “Pata nahi charh gai hogi, peg to teen hi thae, daru zyada thi shaayad, fikar mat kiya karo.” Like a proper obedient house maker she doesn’t ask him again.
One day like any other day, Raghu was attending patients, when the sarpanch Bhaan Singh came, he requested Raghu to see one of friends who is suffering from some serious complications. Since this friend was living faraway, Bhaan Singh arranged Raghu’s stay at his friend’s residence; it was a common culture there, to look upon doctors like god.
Next morning, the jeep was ready, it was quite a tiring journey, by the time Raghu reached, night had fallen. Raghu looked at the big rusty gate from where the jeep was entering.It wasn’t a house or a villa. The fort seemed a shadow against the fast darkening sky, looming large, ready to gulp every thing like a monster, Raghu looked uncomfortably at the driver who was unusually silent through out the journey.
A huge figure emerged when Raghu got down, he gestured Raghu to follow, there was mixture of surfaced politeness and latent arrogance in him, Raghu was restless. They went inside, Raghu was surprised, the hall, with high ceilings, had many unlit chandeliers hanging, moving slowly, making musical notes with the incoming breeze. A lonely oil lamp, fighting feebly against the dark, getting more darker. Approaching the stair case, Raghu felt something moved behind, he was about to jerk in fear, when a strong hand grabbed him, “Shor nai karna daktar sab, ullu hai, abhi ande fute hai, char bachhe hai, aap daroge to ye garib bhi dar jaega, lachmi mai ke bachhe hai, chalie, hukum uper wale kamre me hai.”
Just above, at the entrance, was a loft, Raghu could see few thick black patches moving, making the darkness fluid. A hissing sound coming from the centre of the hole, threatening, ready to strike with out warning. Raghu went up swiftly. There he found a long corridor, large paintings of unknown warriors, dusty, rusty old weapons, armours. Hanging, as if they were about to fall.
Raghu followed the figure, he was surprised, the smell was very pungent in the room where he stood, ‘Is it hooch or some kind of a medicine’! he wondered. It took him sometime before he could actually see through the thin layer of smoke, someone lying on the bed, as he bent himself to see clearly, the stench became more prominent. A man wrappd up in dirty but expensive clothes looking like a corpse; suddenly the man, who guided Raghu, went near the body, spoke in high pitch. “Hukum, dagder saab aaye hai, thane dekhan ke waste, hukum, sunrya ho ke, dagder ji aaya hai.”
The body moved a bit, turned his contankerous face, slowly lifted his rickety hand,quickly the man went up to him, sat on the floor, put his ear near his mouth. Raghu felt nauseated, he was cursing Bhaan Singh, wanted to get away. “Hukum farma rahe hai, aj aap aaram karo, kal baat karenge, aapka kamra taiyar hai, muh haath dho kar khana kha lijie,chalie.” The stench, as if something was rotting, made the entrapped Raghu dizzy. He looked at the damnable body again, two crumpled eyes looking straight, filled with resentment, Raghu thought they want to curate his soul. He hurried himself out.
A constant moaning, ‘is it the grief which was unending,’ Raghu was not in a mood to give it much of an importance, just wanted to sleep. He didn’t want to drink at first but then, the nagging insistence from hukum’s man, friday and his own desire to relax, after so much of an ordeal, to refuse was also an exhaustion. Rich food topped with alcohol, Raghu enjoyed to the hilt, overlooked his rest too. But this prolonged moaning....he pushed his head under the damp heavy pillow, closed his eyes.
In his deep sleep, felt, someone shaking him, he opened his eyes, he must have been fast asleep, took time, then realized, the moaning stopped, he turned at the corner of the room where the sofa, almirah, bundled clothes were all jumbled up.
There he saw her, sitting....her one leg folded, looking at him. At first Raghu got confused, totally blank. ‘who is she’!, then the fright struck like a lightning. He opened his mouth to scream, couldn’t. He could feel a very soft but firm hand placed on his lips. He looked up. She was close, very close. “Shor na machaana,sab jag jaenge,pahchana nai? wo rail gaadi me, dus sal ho gaye us baat ko.”
And he recognized her instantly! All those years she kept coming in his dreams, same smell of mehendi, perfumed hair oil and amazingly she looked the same. He took her hand away, she was smiling. Raghu forgot, to ask how come, she was there!
She whispered, “Mai ghar ki malkin hun, tum jise dekhne aaye ho wo mera mard hai,tumhe bataya tha na. bus sirf shaadi hi hui hai,aur kuch nai,ab matlab mat puchne lag jana.” she started laughing, Raghu touched her lips then his hands were sliding down, they were full and round, she was murmuring, making sounds or was she moaning? Raghu was not in himself. Everything erased, went away from him. His wife, kids, reputation, everything. He ripped her lehenga, almost peeled her choli, wrung her nubile naked body. He could hear her, while making love. “Mai aj bhi kuwari hu, mujhe lelo, mera sab lelo.”
NEXT morning hukum died, they went to inform Raghu and witnessed a site which was horrendous, bizarre. They had to break the door. Raghu was naked, staring at every one like an animal. The sound coming from his throat was very loud almost like a banshee. They had to put him in a cage, he became so violent. Servants were busy preparing for hukum’s funeral. Now this haweli is empty. Rani died ten years back in a train accident. How? That remains a mystery till date. Hukum killed her ,he had seen her talking to a stranger in the train, hukum squeezed her windpipe, they say. But then rumour is a rumour after all.
Raghu’s wife went back to her parents taking the kids with her, his father couldn’t stand his son’s condition, died slowly and pain fully. Raghu lives in his unattended house with an old servant. He doesn’t talk to anyone during the day time. When the night falls, he behaves and very helpless... like a mad dog. Violent, naked, possessed.
By Arjun Chakraborty, Times of India, Kolkata
(Arjun Chakraborty is a National Award winning actor)